We can all universally agree that store-bought fruitcake is the worst gift that one can receive. It’s on that level of bad that Santa replaces coal with fruitcake at this point. Krampus wouldn’t even dream of touching it. The Fruitcake-pocalypse happens to everyone regardless if you have a personality fit for sainthood. And it’s not limited to fruitcakes; self-help books, re-gifted company planners, key chains, your existence — the list keeps on growing. Most of the time, it’s our own flesh and blood that turn against us. Your whole family tree is probably one of the biggest perpetrators of it, maybe even you.
But don’t sweat it, STATUS has “got you fam” so you can’t let your fam down! Get off the line of your supermarket, drop the fruitcake, and get WiFi from your nearest Starbucks. This last leg of 2017 is dedicated to ending it once and for all. No more bad gifts. Brace yourself — we’re making an effort this year. This is our STATIPS on how to end the Fruitcake-pocalypse. #StopTheFruitcakes2k17
Chicken Soup For the Trash Bin
Hey grandma and grandpa! Your grandchild’s life doesn’t look like exactly how you planned out. But a passive aggressive gift is not an encouraging way of telling your favorite grandchild that their life is in the crapper. They have a reputation to uphold too, especially with their #squad. The need to be “lit” and “fire” is too strong. And as their guardians, you must fuel them to become “fire”.
You want their life to be organized and make them feel like an OG, though you don’t know what it means? Fanny packs. The solution is a soda pop fanny packs.
To-WELL, BETTER NOT!
Regardless if you are close or not to this person, no one deserves to receive a decorative towel on Christmas even if it’s folded like a dog. No one cares that it’s folded like a dog, Brenda. Honestly, just give them a rad hat that makes them feel like they’re an extra in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s a better present than any.
Toiletries That Belongs In the Toilet
Hey there, Aunt Cassie! Thank you for the 22nd toiletries package you’ve given this Christmas. Oh, it’s only scented and has no real practical purpose? Perfect! But auntie, maybe we can shake things up a bit and just give a zip pouch to keep things in! May it be pencils, toiletries with actual purpose, or probably put the f— that were missing ever since the year we met. Just your niece/nephew spit balling here!
KEY’N You Not Ex-CHAINge This?
We’ve been there. In an exchange gift for your office Christmas party, you picked that one person in the office that you hate and/or knew nothing about. Why not patch things up with sticker patches instead? Keychains had not solved anything. No one in the world has that much keys, not unless your day job has something to do with gatekeeping. It’s 2017, guys! Level up. Patches are the future.
Avoid Christmas DRESS-sasters
We’ve been re-gifters right? Sometimes Christmas comes just right in time with your closet spring-cleaning. But if you have bad taste in clothes, maybe keep it in the closet and away from the Christmas tree? We’ve been all victims by gifts from fashion victims. Maybe you might be the fashion victim yourself! Spare everyone this Christmas with your… erm… acquired taste and get him or her some denim that won’t make them say “den-umm?”
No to Fruitkakke
Not unless that fruitcake is made with love and effort, it will remain Satan’s idea of a Christmas miracle. Why spend good cash on a fruitcake when you can spend it on a fruit bag instead? And at least this bag is decisive, it only chose one fruit for its pattern, unlike a certain Christmas dessert that’s as hard as coal. Trust us that the fruitcake will end up either rotting ‘till early 2018 or will be smashed on your face by an angered colleague.
Nobody wants a fruitkakke. #trust
Mokuyobi has got all of your needs to stop fruitcakes and end Cringemas once and for all! They’re based in Los Angeles, CA and all of their products are made in the USA. Have you thought of what could’ve happened if Slurpee’s are a clothing line? They might be the answer to that shower thought!
They have apparel, patches, and of course, bags galore that’ll make you the coolest not just to others — but to yourself as well.
Join our Instagram contest and win a Flyer backpack that’ll make you the most organized and flyest in the block! Maybe even re-gift it to someone who’s fly in your life? #StopFruitcakes2k17